After Pepper
by sumersprkl
Summary: When Pepper dies, Tony, whether he admits it or not, has some trouble coping. Perhaps a road trip to the middle of nowhere to find and recapture a supervillain may take his mind off it. Frostiron.


A year since Pepper's death. One year, ten months, seven days, twelve hours, five minutes and eight seconds, to be exact.

Not that Tony was counting. He was far too busy throwing himself into his work and ignoring the pain. Well, ignoring the pain was what his friends called it. Tony called it not sticking his hand into the mental fire, which confused Thor and made everyone else roll their eyes. It was more like… not speaking of, thinking of, or otherwise acknowledging the fact that Pepper ever existed. Pepper would call it "Sulking like a child", but Tony wouldn't acknowledge that fact, because it had the word "Pepper" in it. After it happened, Tony had thrown out every single pepper shaker he owned, banned pepper jack cheese and bell peppers, and violently glared at anyone who even said the word "pepper" in any context, along with throwing out every single photograph of her.

But that was a darker time, and Tony was _completely fine now, thank you very much Bruce, I thought you were a scientist not a psychologist and stay out of this Nat I do not need your half-pity half-disdain and honestly Steve if I hear one more word about how all of your friends died while you were a Capsicle and how you understand my pain I will actually punch you in the face._

Ahem.

The point is, he was dealing with it in his own way, and that way involved working for seventeen hours straight and then drinking so much that he passed out, because that was the only way he could get to sleep. Needless to say, his friends didn't approve.

" _You need to get a new girl,"_ said Clint.

 _"_ _Have you even eaten since the last time we dragged you up from the lab_?" Asked Steve.

" _Stop being so pathetic,"_ said Nat.

" _At least leave the tower once in a while,"_ said Bruce.

" _Loki is escaping from Asgard,"_ said Thor.

What, what was that last one?

Tony tuned back in to the conversation abruptly as the tall, blonde Asgardian burst through the doors. He didn't listen to the details, because really? Tony, _listen_? But he got enough information to get excited. So far, the only thing that was even halfway effective at rousing Tony from his stupor was a good old-fashioned butt-kicking. Thor explained that Loki had landed on Midgard around the same area that Thor had first appeared in, and was presumably undercover there. It was quickly agreed that any form of air travel would only serve to announce their presence. At this, Tony's eyes widened. "Road trip!" He yelled, darting out of the room.

One year, ten months, twelve days, three hours, seven minutes, twenty-seven seconds since the incident. Tony was driving the van, singing road songs, playing I Spy where every answer was "the desert dust" and generally infuriating everyone in the vehicle, except for Bruce, because Tony was stupid, not suicidal. He decided that he might have to extend that rule to Natasha as well when he was very nearly stabbed with a windshield wiper. Eventually Steve had had enough. "Son," he said. "I may have to use my authority as a high-ranking official in the United States military to ask you to shut up." Tony simply waved a finger at him.

"Unh-unh, mister big-shot. My car, my rules," Tony reprimanded. "Everybody, Steve is grounded on charges of undermining my authority and calling me 'son'. No one talk to him," he announced. He got several eye-rolls and a middle finger in response, which he took as agreement, then turned back to the road and to everyone's dismay launched into a spirited rendition of "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall".

"Are we sure he's sober?" Natasha hissed from the back.

"I chucked the alcohol three states ago," Clint growled. "This is normal-level crazy."

Luckily, by the time there were thirty-seven bottles of beer on the wall, they had arrived. Everyone piled out of the car, disguises in place. They split up, Clint with his arm around Nat pretending to be a couple, Thor with Steve masquerading as family, and Bruce trailing reluctantly after an overly-excited Tony after losing the coin toss. Tony, being his charming, clever self, quickly stuck Bruce with the map and ran off while he was looking at it. " _Uh_ -oh, I've ' _lost_ ' Tony," a voice said over the radio in a moment, the tone clearly saying that Bruce didn't exactly mourn his disappearance. Tony could practically _hear_ Natasha's eye-roll. He resisted the urge to remind him to use his code-name, as that would give away his position and force them to come find him. Instead he cheerfully turned off the radio and wandered into a souvenir shop, amused to find it full of Avenger's merchandise. It was mostly Thor, considering the location, but Tony found enough Iron Man action figures to gift to each of his friends.

"You must be an Iron Man fan," The dark-haired cashier said, amused.

"You could say that," Tony said back, cheerfully. He took the bag, his hand brushing for a moment against the cashier's cold one. A little strange, considering that the outside temperature was over a hundred degrees, but Tony supposed that it could happen in the air-conditioned shop, even if it was nearly eighty degrees inside. He shook it off and left the shop, still in a fantastic mood.

After a day of fruitless searching by the Avengers and a day of successful souvenir shopping by Tony, they retired to three connected rooms in a hotel. This time Thor lost the coin toss, putting him in Tony's room, which Tony decided was payback for being irritating on the way there. Thor snored like a truck. Tony shoved a pillow over his head and settled in for a fitful sleep.

One year, ten months, thirteen days, two hours, seventeen minutes and nine seconds after the accident, Tony woke up to an air horn to the face, courtesy of Natasha. He grabbed his pillow and shoved it over his face, suddenly _very_ glad Clint had thrown his liquor out the window, leaving him without a hangover. The pillow was yanked away and the blinds opened viciously, leaving Tony staring into blindingly bright light. He rolled over and continued to ignore her. "Oh, I was hoping I'd get to do this," Natasha said, and Tony could hear the malicious grin. He was too tired to care. Or, at least, he was until the ice water washed over him. He screeched and jumped out of the bed, dripping wet and angry.

"Let me guess, you lost the coin toss," he accused. Natasha grinned.

"Nah. I won," she told him, tossing a set of clothes his way and motioning towards the bathroom. Tony grumbled the whole way.

In an hour or so, the Avengers were back mingling in the general public, and Tony's good mood of the day before was completely gone. He quickly ditched Bruce and ducked into a familiar shop. Tony was greeted by shelves full of Avengers toys and the same dark-haired cashier. "Behold, it's the Iron Fan," the cashier called to the nearly-empty room, leaning casually against the back wall of the shop. Tony rolled his eyes and ignored him, rooting through the Avengers-themed apparel. He emerged with four pairs of Iron Man boxers and one woman's Iron Man T-shirt. The cashier slid off his stool to ring him up. "You know, I am not opposed to a little Avenger's obsession, as it sells merchandise, but is this not a bit too far?" He asked, his formal wording a bit at odds with the less-than-formal meaning.

"They're gifts," Tony informed him, a smirk threatening to break through his grumpy demeanor.

"Ah, I see," the cashier nodded, as if that explained everything, still acting amused. Tony nodded seriously.

"You see, I actually don't like Iron Man at all. I just pretend I do. I have all of my friends convinced that I love him, but really I think he's an ignorant, condescending asshole who thinks money is a superpower and is way too full of himself. It's a game I play," he said, leaning in close to the counter as if he was bestowing a secret. The cashier smirked.

"Well, I love a good trick myself. You secret is safe with me," he said, leaning forward as well, cold breath brushing Tony's cheek. He shivered and took the plastic bag, throwing a wave over his shoulder as he exited the shop, refusing to analyze the flutter in his chest.

He got about a block away before Bruce caught him by the shoulder. "Would you quit wandering off?!" He hissed.

"Mmmmmmmnnnnnnno," Tony answered, continuing to walk the way he was going, forcing Bruce to follow.

One year, ten months, fourteen days, two hours, seventeen minutes, nineteen seconds since Pepper's death. Steve was the one tasked with waking Tony up, which basically meant that Tony was repeatedly smacked with a pillow (using SUPER-STRENGTH, Tony might add) until he chose to get out of bed, and then received a lecture about how much worse it was to be woken up in the army. On top of that, Bruce had gotten wise to his running off, and it took almost an hour for Tony to escape.

"Hello again, Iron Fan," he was greeted when he entered the familiar shop, sans guardian. Tony grinned and made a beeline for the Avenger's ball caps, pulling out six Iron Man themed hats. Natasha's was covered in glitter, a fact that she probably not appreciate quite as much as Tony would. He piled his load on the counter and waited for the cashier to ring him up. As he waited, Tony turned around to view the shop from the cashier's angle.

"Not a lot of green and purple in here. Not a fan of the Hulk?" He remarked. The cashier shuddered.

"No. In all honesty, he frightens me," he said. Tony grinned, amused.

"I guess I can't blame you. I've seen him smash through skyscrapers like they were made of blocks," he said.

"Oh, you're from New York then?" The cashier asked. Tony froze for a moment, realizing his mistake.

"Uh, well, not personally, but like on TV," he backpedaled.

"Ah," the cashier said, passing him the bag containing his purchase. When their fingers brushed, Tony was no longer surprised to find them ice cold. He was, however, surprised at his heart speeding up under his arc reactor. He let his hand linger for a second longer than necessary as he took the bag, his eyes meeting the cashier's, before the door opened. Tony jumped, startled, then immediately leaped behind the counter, hiding behind it, not even having time to appreciate the irony that the cashier was about to meet his phobia. The cashier looked at him like he'd gone crazy as Bruce walked into the store. He approached the cash register with the air of a discouraged family member.

"Excuse me, have you seen a man, shorter than me, brown hair, a little bit…" Bruce pointed to his head. "Slow? I thought I saw him run in here a few minutes ago," he said. The cashier raised an eyebrow at where Tony was hiding, completely ignoring him mouthing 'no' and wildly gesturing with his hands.

"Could you possibly mean this one?" The cashier asked, pointing.

"Traitor!" Tony yelled, jumping up off the floor.

"Jake! There you are," Bruce said, feigning relief. "What did I tell you about running off?" He asked. Tony glared at him incredulously, and Bruce glared back. "I'm sorry for the inconvenience," he said, turning towards the cashier and taking Tony by the hand, leading him out of the store. Tony turned around and stuck his tongue out at the cashier as he left, but the man simply smirked and waved.

"I'm not actually brain damaged," was the first thing Tony said at one year, ten months, fifteen days, four hours, thirty-seven minutes, eighteen seconds after Pepper's death.

"I did not doubt it," the cashier responded, flipping through a magazine.

"Really? Not even when I jumped behind the- Never mind. So, I'm T-… Jake, like you heard. And you are? I can't just keep calling you 'that cute cashier'," Tony said with a brilliant smile, waiting for the inevitable "I'm not gay". Tony himself wasn't picky about gender, but unfortunately, some people were. The cashier looked up from his magazine with a raised eyebrow.

"Ronald," he said, reaching out to shake Tony's hand. Both of them held on past what is socially acceptable for a handshake, the warmth from Tony's hand spreading to Ronald's cold one until the temperatures matched, Tony's grin widening by the second and being met with Ronald's self-confident smirk.

"So, wanna meet for lunch?" Tony asked hopefully.

"I believe that could be arranged," Ronald smirked. "I will be waiting here in two hours. Your friend over there may object, however," he continued, leaning his head towards where Bruce was walking through the door. Tony's eyes widened.

"Uh, yeah. I may be like, ten minutes late, fifteen tops if I can't get away. But I'll be there!" Tony said, walking up to Bruce and leaving with him, throwing a wink over his shoulder. Bruce sighed and spoke into his radio.

"We've been here three days and Tony's already picked up a local," he informed the team.

"It's taken this long? Wow, he's slipping," Clint commented. Tony grinned.

"See, he has faith in me," he pointed out. Bruce ignored him.

"I think we need a break. Meet back at the hotel?" He suggested.

One year, ten months, fifteen days, four hours, forty-nine minutes after Pepper died, the Avengers sat in a circle around a hotel bed in a team meeting. The general air of discouragement didn't affect Tony in the slightest, he was too excited for that.

"I admit it is taking longer than expected to locate my brother," Thor sighed. "His shape-shifting powers are impressive, but-"

"Wait, shape-shifting?!" Clint exclaimed. "You never mentioned shape-shifting. How are we supposed to find him if he's shape-shifting?!" He asked.

"I will know my brother when I see him," Thor said, sounding offended.

"But we won't," Natasha pointed out.

"Can you tell us some non-visual cues to look for, maybe?" Bruce sighed. Thor thought for a moment.

"Well, his skin is always cold, and he may have some speech patterns that seem a bit odd, as the magic that allows us to speak to anyone does not do well with local dialects. Also, he cannot help himself when creating disguises, he always has to make himself very attractive," he said finally. Tony's eyes widened into an expression of shock. Bruce noticed.

"Have you seen someone like that?" He prodded.

"I have a lunch date with him," Tony answered.

The room exploded into mixed reactions.

"You can't go on a date with Loki!" Steve said.

"No, no, we can use this!" Natasha said.

"We don't know for sure it's Loki," Bruce said.

"We must not let Loki know we have found him!" Thor said.

"You're into _dudes_?!" Clint shrieked. There was a momentary pause in the conversation where everyone turned to stare at Clint. "What?" He asked defensively. Natasha turned back to Tony, ignoring him.

"Don't you see? This is the perfect opportunity to find out what he's planning," she explained. Tony couldn't think of an argument, but it seemed that everyone else could. He tuned out and thought about it for a while.

"I'll do it," Tony broke in, interrupting Bruce mid-sentence.

One year, ten months, fifteen days, six hours, forty-one minutes after Pepper died, Tony walked nervously up to the familiar souvenir shop. He took a deep breath and put up his confident façade before opening the door. 'Ronald' looked up immediately. "Ah, I was wondering when you would arrive. The shop is now closed, everybody out," he said, ushering the only costumers, a pair of little old ladies, out the door. He hung a closed sign and leaned against the wall, smiling at Tony. Tony grinned back and grabbed his ice-cold hand, exaggeratedly kissing the back of it. 'Ronald' rolled his eyes, but Tony noticed a blush on his face. "There is a half-decent Italian restaurant a block from here," 'Ronald' said. "Unfortunately, 'half-decent' is the best this town has to offer. If you were hoping for a top-secret local tour of all of the best places, you will be disappointed," he concluded. Tony snorted and followed him, catching up enough to slip his hand in Ronald's.

They appeared at the restaurant in moments, still hand-in-hand. Tony had nearly forgotten that this wasn't an actual date and that the man next to him was at least suspected to be an intergalactic criminal. Of course, it was nearly impossible to forget that with the Avengers chattering in your ear about things that weren't even related to the mission. When 'Ronald' glanced away for a moment, Tony quickly shut off the radio, cutting off the conversations.

As they entered, the host looked up immediately. "Oh, look who finally got a date!" The blond-haired man announced with a smirk. 'Ronald' tried to slip his hand out of Tony's, but he held fast with a reassuring smile. Tony's date was _definitely_ blushing now. The host watched the exchange with a wide grin. "So, your usual table, Geor-"

"Yes, that will be fine," Ronald/George interrupted. Tony raised an eyebrow, but said nothing as he was quickly escorted to a two-person table in the back corner. He ordered the same as his date and settled into conversation with his usual confident air and casual grin. By about dessert, it had stopped being an act, and Tony was as relaxed as he would be on a normal date. He even stooped to licking the chocolate off of his dessert spoon suggestively and watching the other man's eyes widen. His flirting backfired a little, however, when he found that his date had no qualms with playing footsie under the table and then smirking at Tony's blush.

Tony walked him back to the store and then, partially because it was expected and partially because (and he wouldn't admit this to anyone) he really wanted to, he leaned in (or, as was really the case, up) and kissed the taller man on the mouth. Tony could feel him smirk into the kiss and then lean down to allow better access. The kiss didn't have a chance to turn heated (or chilled) with the interruption of a portly, balding man who looked severely out of place in the heat.

"Frederic!" The man yelled. Ronald/George/Frederic jumped back from Tony as if burned. Tony was pleased to find that he was breathing rather unevenly out of kiss-swollen lips, at least until he remembered that the person he was having these thoughts about was most likely Loki in disguise. For some reason, even that didn't manage to fully put a damper on his enjoyment. Tony mentally shrugged it off and put it away for later examination. In the meantime, he could watch a short middle-aged man, apparently Ron/George/Fred's employer, yell at someone who most likely had the power to strike him down where he stood with nothing but a wave of his hand.

"You can't just leave the shop whenever you want!" The portly man was yelling, face turning red in the heat and the effort of screaming. His current look reminded Tony faintly of the squalling newborn babies he was expected to kiss to keep up his image.

"It was simply a lunch break, which Mi- …American law requires you allow me to take," Loki argued, green eyes flashing dangerously. _Yup, definitely Loki_ , Tony mused. _No one else wears anger quite as well._ Loki's employer took no notice.

"Yes, you can take lunch breaks, but that is no excuse for… _seducing_ other _men_ on my time!" The baby-man snapped.

"Oohhhohoho," Tony exclaimed quietly, taking a step back, looking very much like an expectant middle-schooler about to witness a fight between the upper grades. He spared a look at Loki, whose face was now clearly full of murderous intent.

"Oh, is _that_ what this is about? It is not my closing the shop early, but my chosen date? I regret to inform you that that is entirely my decision, and if you take offense to it, then you may…" At once, Loki trailed off, anger suddenly dissipating. Tony watched him deflate into a much more submissive stance. "I apologize. It is not my place to say such things," he said, clearly gritting his teeth. His employer huffed in acknowledgement.

"That's more like it. Get back inside and clean the restrooms," he snapped.

"Yes… Sir," Loki muttered, as if the word pained him. He only glanced at Tony on his way past, the look in his eyes betraying his anger and shame, looking not unlike a wildcat who had been unwillingly made into a pet. Tony suddenly had an urge to punch the sweaty baby-man in the head for doing this to his Loki. _Whoa, possessive, where did that come from?!_ Tony suddenly asked himself. He hastily turned back in the direction of the hotel, shaking off, or trying to at least, any thoughts pertaining to Loki that could not be easily put into the 'Negative' column.

One year, ten months, fifteen days, eight hours after Pepper died, Tony quickly debriefed everyone on the events of the afternoon and excused himself from the resulting speculation, pleading a headache. Of course, being alone in his and Thor's shared room gave him a little too much of an opportunity to think. Reflecting on what had happened so far, Tony realized that he might be in a bit of trouble. He began to analyze his responses to Loki in the past few days.

 _Day one, pretty neutral over all: One hand touch. Observations: Noticed handsome looks as a passing factor, Subject's hand was cold._

 _Day two, slightly more affectionate: Banter, was given nickname, one hand touch, subject and I leaned into closer proximity. Observations: Subject displayed the ability to cheer me up from one of my moods, I became slightly nervous when in very close proximity to the subject._

 _Day three, attraction appeared: Conversation, affectionate teasing, prolonged hand contact, increased heart rate caused by subject. Observation: Subject retained cheering properties simply by being in proximity._

 _Day four, part one, attraction acknowledged: Conversation, hand touch, date set up. Observations: I was unusually excited to see subject again, I displayed a desire to impress subject._

 _Day four, part two, ASDFJKL;: LAFKJEOIFH KISS HAPPENED ALFH;UOHJ, I felt distress when subject acted submissively. He's not SUPPOSED to DO that. Observations: far too many to count, most having to do with subject's eyes or hair or face or muscles or personality or smile._

 _Well, shoot. I'm attracted to Loki. Okay, I can handle this. People are attracted to people they can't have all the time, right? I just have to stop thinking about him and his beautiful face and his hilarious scathing wit and how much I enjoyed kissing him and the way he manages to pull off a cape, I mean, like, who can actually do that?!_

 _Shoot. Okay, maybe it's a bit more than attraction. A crush, at most. That's okay. I can still handle it. I mean, I've never actually had a crush on anyone that I didn't follow through with, but other people do it, right? It can't be that hard to ignore his gorgeous legs and that frustratingly hot way he seems vaguely amused by everything and how much I want to actually make him impressed so I can snap that look off his face and I can be the smug one again. Or how much I want to find out what he'd look like in my tower when he's not about to throw me out the window, or how much I want to make him laugh again, or how much I want to mess with everyone with him because hey, god of mischief teaming up with Tony Stark, just THINK of the POSSIBILITIES. Actually, no, don't think of the possibilities. Don't think of him at all. Don't speak of, think of, or otherwise acknowledge the fact that Loki ever existed._

Tony continued thinking about Loki well into the night, long after Thor returned and began snoring thunderously. When the billionaire finally slipped into a fitful sleep, his dreams were filled with green eyes and cold hands all over him. He couldn't find it in himself to hate it.

One year, ten months, sixteen days, two hours after Pepper died was the first time Tony woke up to thoughts of someone else. It was also an instant before Clint was about to shoot some mostly-harmless arrow designed to wake Tony up with the maximum amount of pain and humiliation that could still be considered friendly. He had enough time to dodge, laughing at the disappointed look on Clint's face, and duck into the bathroom. He emerged fresh-faced and smiling, _maybe_ having dressed up a little just in case he saw Loki again. Maybe. He also maybe had a plan to see Loki again. _The first step is admitting you have a problem, but since when have I ever followed instructions?_ Tony thought to himself, as he was convincing the others to let him set up another 'fake' date- the word 'fake' required the mental quotes now- in an attempt to 'get more information'. Bruce, who for a scientist had _far_ too much insight into the emotional spectrum of human beings, looked at him strangely, but Tony threw him off the trail by making several jokes about actually wanting to date Loki. He had found that acting like you were joking while telling the truth both kept your secret effectively and negated any accusations of lying when the secret inevitably came out.

In any case, Tony soon found himself walking into his new favorite shop. He grinned at Loki and got an icy glare in response, which Tony ignored as he waved. Loki counter-ignored him as his boss walked out from the back room. The middle-aged man saw Tony, stopped, and spluttered, before walking up, obviously about to command him to leave. "Hey, I'm a paying customer. Do you want to see the receipts?" Tony asked, with a raised eyebrow. The man glared at him, but eventually backed off and went into his office. Tony grinned and flashed a thumbs-up at Loki, who continued steadfastly ignoring him, even as Tony approached the counter. He didn't look up even as Tony leaned on the counter, showing off his best 'notice me' grin, or even when he grabbed Loki's chair and pulled it closer to him. In fact, he didn't glance up from his magazine until Tony kissed him.

"What are you- We can't do this here!" Loki yelped as he pushed Tony away.

"You said 'we' and 'here', so I'm going to take that positively," Tony replied, winking cheekily. Loki growled, putting his hands over his blushing- _Blushing!_ \- face.

"You remind me of myself in the most disconcerting way," he muttered. Tony looked thoughtful for a moment, then gave a nod of agreement.

"You like it, though," he pointed out.

"Hardly. I am more frustrated than anything."

"In the best sense of the word."

"That… Is a possibility."

"Wanna get out of here?"

"My apologies. My employer will not allow that, and unfortunately, I need this job."

"Oh yeah?" Tony said, with a smirk. Loki raised an eyebrow. Tony gave him a look in return that said 'watch this', his eyes sparkling with mischief. He grabbed Loki's hand and dragged him into the back of the store, stopping right in front of Loki's boss. "I'll purchase every single item in this store if you allow your handsome employee here to take off for the rest of the week, full pay," he informed the pudgy, middle-aged man, pulling out a large stack of hundred-dollar bills in order to prove that he could afford it. The man's eyes widened with shock, greed, and suspicion, but the second emotion quickly outweighed the others.

"Certainly, sir. Uh, h- how do you wish to receive the items?" He asked. At this, Tony smirked and stripped off his disguise.

"Ship them to Tony Stark," he said. This reduced the man to shocked spluttering. Tony barely took the time to appreciate the expression before glancing at Loki, trying to gage his emotions. As he suspected, Loki appeared much more amused than shocked. "Same restaurant as last time?" Tony asked, taking Loki's hand and walking away.

The instant they arrived, their path was intercepted by Steve, who had also lost the disguise; it seemed Tony had blown everyone's cover. "Excuse me, could I talk to him for a second?" Steve asked politely, before dragging Tony away by the arm. "Are you _insane_?!" the captain snapped.

"Jury's still out. What can I do for you, Cap?" Tony replied, fluttering his eyelashes. Steve rolled his eyes.

"You just blew your cover to the supervillain we're trying to catch, and all you have to say is- …Ugh. You have better have a _damn_ good explanation for this stunt," he said, pinning Tony with a glare.

"Oooh, I caused mister good home values to _curse_? I must have really stepped in it this time," Tony said, all mock sincerity. Steve didn't even react. It wasn't actually that rare of an occurrence for Steve to curse. It was even less of a rare occurrence for Tony to tease him about it.

"Back to the point, Tony," Steve growled.

"Fine," Tony sighed. "Look. I'm pretty sure he already knew who I was. By revealing myself, I'm basically saying 'I have no idea who you actually are'. Even Loki won't suspect me to knowingly reveal myself to him, right? This is the best way to get him to trust me."

"Jury's back in. You're completely nutters."

"Why thank you, Stevie. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a date to get back to."

Tony walked back to Loki, hearing Steve mutter something about a "Reckless batshit-crazy _moron_ in a genius' body". He pulled up a chair in front of Loki and grinned.

"So, now that that's out of the way, how about those appetizers?"

One year, ten months, twenty-seven days after Pepper died, and Tony was still dating Loki, sending back enough information to keep the Avengers happy while still making sure he was allowed to continue his experiment for as long as possible. It was pure bliss wrapped in a cloak of lies, which, Tony supposed, was the best he was going to get with the literal Norse god of lies. In any case, Tony was happy, and it appeared Loki was as well. He suspected that he had wormed himself into Loki's cold, frozen heart as well as his pants. However, there was a metaphorical knife over the head of the metaphorical representation of their relationship, and it was, metaphorically, descending quickly. Tony only had an excuse to stay in his little bubble of heaven disguised as a desert hellhole for so long before he had to go back to New York, where his disguised god of chaos couldn't follow. It was time, Tony decided, for a rash decision he could later pass off as a well-thought-out plan.

"Will you come back to New York with me?"

Okay, well, not as subtle as Tony had hoped, but he could work with it. He and Loki were curled around each other on the bed in the one-bedroom apartment where Loki now resided. It was a bit of a dump, not that Tony would mention that. Loki rolled over to face him, looking confused. "I was under the impression that your relationships rarely last more than a few weeks," he accused. Tony flinched.

"Yeah. This is probably already my second longest-lasting relationship. I, uh, don't usually get attached," he said.

"And why is this the exception?" Loki asked, eyes boring into Tony's like drills made of emerald. Tony made a small coughing noise before answering.

"Well, I guess it's because… Uh, not to sound conceited, but… Not a lot of people can keep up with me, you know? And of the ones who _can_ keep up enough to think like me, even fewer _like_ it. And of those three people, one's dead, one I would never consider dating, and one's you." Tony stared right back into Loki's eyes, almost defiantly. Loki seemed to deflate for a moment, before putting up a familiar mask.

"I'm not who you think I am," Loki informed Tony.

"Wanna bet?"

"There is no possibility your guess will be correct," Loki cut him off.

"No, really, let's bet on this. I'll bet a favor."

"Fine. I will take this bet. Who do you think I am?" Loki asked, eyes flashing. Tony smirked.

"You're a gorgeous, funny troublemaker who has some issues with his adoptive family from years of being compared to a not-adopted brother. You're hardworking and ambitious and arrogant and will do anything for your pride, but you're really intelligent, and oddly bluntly honest when lying isn't necessary, and you give me a run for my money at being the most interesting person in the room. You're always so put-together and strong, which makes those little glimpses under your masks so much more special," Tony listed. Loki snorted in amusement, and Tony smirked, gearing up for the big finish. "Also, you're the Norse god of lies and chaos, and I've known since the first date."

Loki's eyes widened in shock, although he would never do something so uncouth as to let his mouth drop open. Tony reveled in the expression, knowing that he finally got one over on the god of lies. "If you already knew, why are you here?" Loki snapped. "All of this was a game, perhaps? A bid to collect information, with the added bonus of making me look the fool?"

"That's what I told the Avengers," Tony replied. Loki sat up then.

"And the truth?" He prodded, eyes still flashing calculatingly.

"I _may_ have been more curious than is usually considered 'safe', and I _may_ have a few issues with not getting what I want, and I _may_ have a bit of an unnatural obsession with danger," Tony said, looking sideways at Loki while leaning his head on his palm. "Also, it's _possible_ that by the time I was far enough in to register what a stupid idea this was, I was also too late to back out. Happens a lot," he concluded with a shrug. Loki looked at him for a moment, as if he was attempting to magically discern if he was lying. As a not-quite-natural shiver ran up Tony's spine, he realized that that was quite possibly _exactly_ what Loki was doing. He grinned in response. With this particular conversation, his conscience was clear. He felt Loki's magic retreat, apparently satisfied.

"And what of the offer to take me back to New York? Was that a plan of yours or the Avengers?" Loki accused. Tony cringed.

"Uh, that was mine, actually. I'm… a little unwilling to let this little experiment end, you see. I was going to take you with me and make up a reason later. Something about being easier to keep an eye on you, or something…" Tony trailed off as Loki snorted disdainfully. Tony glared at him. "You know, it'd be a lot easier to come up with a convincing lie if I actually knew what you were doing out here."

"Simply tell your friends that I chose to reveal myself to you, and when I found you already knew, that I wished to continue the relationship. Add something about me thinking you to be the easiest Avenger to corrupt, if they do not believe that." Tony knew it was a deflection of attention from his reason for being where he was, but it was a step in the right direction towards Tony's main point, so he chose to ignore it.

"Does this mean you're coming with me to New York?"

"No. It simply means that I cannot resist a good lie."

"C'mon, you liked me enough that you were going to tell me that you're actually Loki."

"Perhaps I would have only attempted to feed you a clever tale about secretly working for your government."

"And I would have seen right through it, even if I didn't know who you really were. SHIELD knew you were out here, they would've made sure none of the other government yahoos could get within twenty miles."

Loki suddenly transformed back into the form Tony knew him as from the Battle of New York. His hair stayed dark and his eyes stayed green. The only major change Tony could see was that where his disguise was more bulky and muscular, Loki was tall and lithe. _Clever bastard knew we were looking for someone who looked nothing like him,_ Tony thought with a smirk. His logical capacities were quickly shut down, however, when Loki pounced on him with a hungry, biting kiss. "Yes," Loki said when he finally pulled away.

"Wha?" Tony asked articulately, blinking. Loki rolled his eyes.

"Yes. Yes, I will come back to New York with you," he repeated.

"Oh. OH! Right!" Tony exclaimed with a grin, then flipped their positions and began to kiss Loki enthusiastically.

Tony didn't make it back to the hotel that night.

One year, ten months, twenty-eight days after Pepper died, the Avengers burst through the door of a dingy, one-bedroom apartment to find Loki, looking like _himself_ , wrapped around a sleeping Tony.

"Tell your Avengers to stop pointing their weapons at me," Loki complained, not moving around to look.

"I don't have control over 'em. Talk to Steve, he's the leader," Tony whined back, without even opening his eyes.

"Anyone want to explain this situation?" Clint asked. Tony groaned and sat up.

"That's Loki, he knows we know, he's coming back to New York with us, and no, he hasn't got me under mind control, you can tell because of my total unwillingness to answer any more questions until after one PM and food of some kind. Also possibly alcohol. Before you tell me what a bad idea this is, keep in mind that I own Stark Tower and also last week I technically got it registered as a police building so I'm allowed to hold criminals there," he explained, a touch of pride coloring his voice on the last part. Loki sat up at this and looked at him. Tony sent back a look that he hoped said 'What? I plan ahead sometimes.'

After living through a separate lecture from each individual Avenger, except Natasha, who gave him a disapproving eyebrow raise that was just as effective, he had them convinced that they wouldn't be able to stop him from keeping Loki.

The road trip back home left everyone involved about twice as irritated as the one there, except for Thor, who was going back to Asgard for a few days to think some things through. Although nothing could be traced back to Loki, Clint _swore_ he was intentionally helping Tony be as annoying as possible. When confronted, Loki only turned around in the front seat, which Tony wasn't allowing anyone else to take, and said smugly "Does Stark really need anyone's help to be irritating?" which Clint only noticed wasn't a denial after they arrived.

One year, eleven months after Pepper died, the elevator doors opened wide on the penthouse of Stark Tower. "Here we are, home sweet home," Tony announced, walking backwards into the room with a grin. Loki took one step in and was immediately incased in a blue energy field. He struggled for a moment and found that it suppressed his magic as well. "Whoops, new security measures. Forgot about that," Tony told him, opening a panel on the wall and beginning to enter a release code.

"I do not need my magic to know when you are lying," Loki announced, voice slightly strained.

"Okay, fine, you got me. I wanted to see if it'd work." Tony punched in the last number and hit a button, and Loki's feet dropped back to the floor.

"It would have, for about four hours, at which point it would have exploded and taken the entire top three floors of your tower with it," Loki informed him, rubbing his arms and glaring at Tony resentfully. Tony looked back at the panel, squinting.

"Whoa, yeah, gotta lower the power on that," he admitted, shaking his head and beginning to fiddle with the mechanics. Loki put his hands over the inventor's, stopping the movement.

"The rest of the Avengers have left on 'Tony-free time'. They will be gone for three hours, maximum. Are you really going to waste this time on circuitry?"

"Huh? What? Yeah, probably," Tony responded, mind already occupied with machines. Loki sighed and moved his hands away from Tony's, placing them around his waist instead, and moving his head to rest on Tony's shoulder.

"Are you sure?" He purred into Tony's ear. Tony muttered something about voltage. Loki sighed again. "Stay with me for a moment, Stark," he said. "Everyone is gone from the tower, except for you and I. What is this the perfect opportunity to do?"

"Prank the Avengers?" Tony asked, still not paying attention.

"No. Well, perhaps afterwards." At this point, Loki slid his hands under Tony's shirt and began sucking on his pulse point. Tony's head lolled back and his eyes slid shut, his concentration finally shattered.

"Ohhhhhhhhh… _That_. Okay. Yeah. Let's do that."

(Author's Note: Is _that_ enough of a hint for you, my dear Beta reader?!)

Still one year, eleven months after Pepper died, the Avengers walked out of the elevator, only to be confronted by a huge string maze. The only open spaces were the kitchen area, the couch where Tony and Loki sat, and the hallway, plus the paths between all of them. Clint rolled his eyes. "This is such an elementary prank, guys. Seriously. I think a third grader could pull this off," he told the pair on the couch, pulling out a knife and putting it to one of the strings. He dropped it as the string turned green for a moment and a small electrical current passed through his arm.

"Some of them are magically protected," Loki informed him.

" _Some of 'em are magically protected,_ " Clint mocked in a low voice as he picked up the knife again and moved it to another string. It turned green and he moved away without cutting it. The next one he tried didn't glow, so he cut it with a triumphant smile, only to have a huge water balloon drop on his head.

"Some of 'em are booby-trapped," Tony informed him.

"I'm not dealing with this," Bruce announced, stepping back into the elevator. Clint began to follow, but Natasha managed to slip through the strings without setting anything off. She smacked the back of Tony's head on her way to the kitchen in retribution. Not wanting to be shown up, Clint began to pick his way through the strings, only to be shocked again and then have flour blasted at him. Still wet from the balloon attack, the flour stuck to him with a vengeance. He stopped and glared at Tony.

"You are a monster, I hope you know that," he said, avoiding one green-glowing string only to run straight into another. Steve analyzed the situation for a moment before dropping into an army-crawl. He did set off one of Tony's strings, but dodged the resulting barrage of feathers by rolling to the side, straight into one of Loki's, which barely made him flinch. Clint was not so lucky, as the secondhand feather attack landed directly on him, sticking to the flour-and-water paste. Steve made it through with no further incident, then turned to look at Clint, who resembled a very angry chicken.

"You know, I'd be upset about this, but you're right, that's hilarious," he said. Natasha reappeared with a bowl of popcorn and two sodas, one of which she handed to Steve, and then sat down cross-legged in front of the maze to watch Clint's progress.

"You're recording this, right?" She asked.

"I'm sorry, have we met? I'm Tony Stark," Tony replied, stealing a handful of the popcorn as Clint let loose with a string of curses. "Just wait 'till Loki's tripping jinx goes o-"

"OH COME ON!" Clint yelped as he fell, taking at least four normal strings and three magic ones with him. He didn't stand back up.

"I believe now is the time to show mercy," Loki said.

"Aw, what?" Tony pouted. Loki gave him a look and then waved his hand, the strings disappearing in an instant. Clint sighed in relief, then gave both of them the finger, not moving from his face-down position on the floor.

It was then the elevator door dinged open again, admitting Bruce holding a smoothie. He took one look at Clint's position on the floor and said "Please tell me someone got footage." Clint flashed the finger again, this time with a different target. Tony grinned.

"Well, now that that's over with`," Tony trailed off and grabbed Loki's wrist, dragging him out of the room. Loki sighed and followed. They ended up in Tony's workshop, where Tony began excitedly showing him around. Loki interrupted him.

"I fear our little trap hasn't endeared me much to your Avengers," he informed the inventor.

"Nah, you're fine. The only one who's really mad is Clint, and he'll be fine as long as he gets you back at some point," Tony said, beginning to fiddle with a dial on one of the machines.

"He will attempt to trick the trickster god?" Loki asked, deadpan.

"Okay, yeah, that could cause some problems," Tony agreed. "You may just have to let him get you. I've had to do that once or twice, it's no big deal."

"Alright, I will ruin my reputation as an untrickable trickster just to get an arrow-obsessed mortal to stop hating me," Loki sighed.

"Thank you," Tony said, stepping up to hug him. "It'll only be a couple hundred years until the rumors die down."

"You say that, but I _still_ can't get rid of that ridiculous accusation about myself and a horse."

"Oh my god, I can't believe I forgot that myth! That would've been the _best_ taunting fuel! JARVIS, write a reminder!" Tony yelled at the ceiling. He didn't get an answer. Tony balked. "JARVIS? Hello? What in the…" He picked up a stepladder and dragged it over to the speaker, but found nothing wrong with the machinery. He leaped off the stepstool and opened a wall panel instead, flipping some switches and pounding on the metal backing. "Come on, come on, where'd the programming go?! JARVIS?!"

Suddenly the panel lit up and a slightly British-sounding, metallic voice chimed from the speaker. "Just kidding, sir. I've written your reminder." Tony sat down and ran a hand through his hair in relief.

"Since when can you pull pranks? I didn't program yoooooooooooo…-You!" Tony jumped up and whirled to face Loki, who was having trouble suppressing a smirk. Tony pointed his finger at him threateningly. "Look here, mister. I have _enough_ trouble with my AI giving me lip _without_ you and your frankly impressive meddling. That said, how did you do that without me noticing?"

In lieu of answering, Loki simply duplicated himself. Tony's eyes widened.

"That… That has so, so much potential," he whispered, not blinking. Loki smirked, and then cocked his head, frowning.

"Is there normally a person crawling around in you ceiling?" He asked.

"Nope," Tony answered, moving back to the panel and pressing a few buttons. A piece of the ceiling fell through, taking a cursing Clint with it. When Clint realized he'd been caught, he grabbed his bow and scrambled out of the room, leaving a trail of white dust and insulation behind him.

"Oops. I guess we'll have to let him win another time," Tony shrugged. "Let's go out for food."

"Your friends would not permit me to leave the tower if there was an asteroid hurtling towards it," Loki pointed out dryly.

"Which is why we don't tell them. C'mon," Tony responded, dragging him off.

They returned half an hour later, stopping on their way into the lobby. "It's quiet. Too quiet. There should be at least three Avengers and a siren to meet us. This isn't natural." With this declaration, Tony dragged Loki away from the door. Loki sighed, but followed. Tony considered for a moment, then quickly opened the door and tossed the take-out bag from the restaurant through it. The bag was immediately covered in pink liquid. Waiting until the barrage stopped, Tony stepped forward and collected some of the liquid on his finger. "Hair dye," he announced to his bemused companion. "Clint was here," he deduced, reaching over to wipe his fingers on Loki's outfit. Loki stopped him with a threatening eyebrow raise, and Tony instead rubbed it off on his own shirt.

"Well, Clint has yet to master the idea of multiple pranks, so it should be safe by now. Well, if we can get past the puddle," Tony commented. By the time he had finished speaking, Loki had already teleported inside, leaving Tony to make his own way across.

"You mean, if you can get past the puddle," Loki said, turning his back to Tony. The action caused his cape to billow out majestically, which Tony assumed was exactly what Loki had intended. Tony pouted, but began to pick his way across the lobby.

"If I fall, I'm telling the press I dyed my facial hair in support of breast cancer patients," he grumbled. Loki gave him an odd look, but Tony didn't explain. He continued to walk across, nearly losing his balance at one point, but made it to where Loki waited. Tony immediately attempted to shove his boyfriend down into the puddle, but Loki didn't budge.

In the weeks that followed, Clint attempted dozens of pranks, tricks, and traps, and Tony and Loki attempted to fall for them. Their efforts were all thwarted by the highly effective combination of Loki's magic and Tony's paranoia. Eventually Clint gave up and moved on to his second mission: Wooing Natasha. Natasha was extremely amused by his attempts, and planned to leave him hanging until Clint actually managed to _ask_ her. Thor showed back up with his scientist girlfriend, her father, her intern, and her intern's intern in tow, and Tony managed not to flirt with any of them. Everyone eventually figured out that Tony was only pretending to be pretending to be dating Loki, including SHIELD, who only attempted one airstrike. The Avengers slowly warmed up to Loki, because he made their battles much easier. Tony hired a new lab assistant named Peter Parker, who Bruce practically adopted, and if the Spiderman sightings around Stark Tower increased overnight then everyone was nice enough not to mention it. Steve left to track down a lead on his assassin friend, or as Tony put it, "Frrrriiii _eeeennnnnd_ " with heavily-implied quotation marks. When they came back together, they moved in to the same floor in the tower. Tony made sure to _accidentally_ leave articles on the gay pride movement all over the public rooms, and smirked incessantly when the rainbow band appeared on Bucky's metal arm, suddenly nearly always draped around Steve. Tony was forced to invest in a larger couch in the common room with all the significant others joining them for movie night, which, with his head rested on Loki's shoulder, Tony decided wasn't a bad thing at all. No one ever found out what exactly Loki was doing on Earth to begin with, but Tony had a sneaking suspicion that he was trying to be caught for some reason or another. Tony could only hope that Loki's new future plans involved much less world domination.

Two years, four months, seven days, eight hours, twenty-three minutes, seventeen point one oh two seconds since Tony had first walked into a souvenir shop in a tourist trap in the middle of nowhere and found a disguised and disgraced supervillain, Tony stood across from Loki, more than a little bit in awe. Tony looked fantastic in his tux, if he did say so himself, but Loki completely blew him out of the water in- Oh god- traditional Asgardian _wedding attire_. Tony was exploding with nerves on the inside, but he fired off his signature cocky grin for the massive group of photographers in the back. Loki raised an eyebrow, which to the outside may have looked teasing, but Tony recognized as concern. Tony let his face shift into something softer, and Loki gave him a small smile in return.

By the words "You may now-", Tony had launched himself at Loki, standing on his toes and holding on to Loki's shoulder for balance. Loki stretched to his full height, bent on being as unhelpful as possible. Tony glared at him until Loki gave in and met him halfway, and then kicked his husband (!) in the shin in retaliation. Natasha rolled her eyes from the front row as Clint wolf-whistled.

"You might want to save some for after the reception," Steve suggested about half a minute later. Tony and Loki parted with an obviously intentional smacking noise and glared at the super-soldier, who turned red and looked down, awkwardly shuffling his feet.

As would be expected at any wedding of Tony Stark's, the reception had every type of alcohol known to man, woman, persons of other, neither, or both genders, and non-hostile (as well as some slightly more hostile) alien. As would be expected at any wedding of the Asgardian royal family (Thor insisted that Loki still counted with such fervor that even Odin was helpless to argue), several fights, brawls, and even one diplomatic incident broke out (Loki handled the last one so swiftly and efficiently that Britain's Prime Minister left owing him a favor).

All in all, it was a highly successful evening for everyone, excluding the warriors tasked with guarding Asgard's secret to extended youth; while the main guards were on Earth for the ceremony, someone broke into the palace gardens and stole two magic golden apples, each capable of bestowing a mortal with the powers and lifespan of the average Asgardian. The only suspect had hundreds of witnesses who swore that he had been at his own wedding the entire time, so there were no major allegations until a certain Midgardian billionaire's ninety-fifth birthday, at which the person in question still looked as young as he had on his wedding night.

From the throne of Asgard, Odin let out a long-suffering sigh as his fifth grandchild ran into the throne room, followed by its supposedly mortal mother Jane Foster, who, after nearly eighty years in Asgard's court, had nothing so much as a wrinkle to betray her age.

As the child ran up to him and crawled into his lap, Odin decided that, just once, he'd let it slide.


End file.
